Guidance for Choosing a Spouse

1 Peter 3:1-7

Truth for Life Radio Program

Pastor Alistair Begg

June 2022 Broadcast

God’s word provides guidance for living the single life, as well as advice for choosing a spouse who can “run the distance” with you.  Marriage should not be entered into lightly.  God says it is a long-term commitment.

The suggestions below are biblically-based and God’s design for your happiness, joy, and fulfillment in marriage.

For the Woman

The following points are genuine characteristics to consider in choosing a husband.  Look for a man who is:

· Committed to his faith - A husband and wife should be allies, so the two are equally-yolked in this area.  Will he partner with you in making decisions and raising children?

· A man of integrity – Character matters more than image or physical attractiveness.  Do you enjoy conversations with him?  Is he comfortable in social situations?  Are spiritual things important to him?  Spiritual maturity and integrity are helpful in a marriage and in life.  He must be honest to the core.

· Able to lead boldly – Do you allow him to lead without forcing your opinions?  Does he possess the ability to submit to the expertise of others while leading boldly?  In other words, does he have the ability to ask for information, weigh options and make decisions while refraining from domineering behavior?  He should never try to isolate you from your family and friends, or be running to his mother every time he needs help making decisions.   Choose someone who sees you as his “go to” person (partner).

· Has the knowledge and ability to love sacrificially – Notice if he helps clean up after meals in your home or in the homes of family and friends.  Does he like children?  Can he relate to them?  Does he hold doors for those in need?  These examples describe sacrificial love toward others.

· Able to laugh at himself – The funniest part about him may be that he can’t tell a good joke!  Choose someone who does not possess crudeness or unkindness, and can be humorous about his own shortcomings.

· Continuously modeling genuine humility – playing second fiddle in certain situations should not be a problem or cause anger for him.  Focusing on the needs of others demonstrates genuine humility.

For the Man

The following points are genuine characteristics to consider in choosing a wife.  Look for a woman who is:

· Committed to her faith – A husband and wife should be allies, so the two are equally-yolked in this area.  Will you allow her to partner with you in sharing her opinions for decision-making and raising children? 

· Beautiful inside – A gentle and quiet spirit results from time spent in the presence of the Lord.  She will be beautiful without being self-opinionated or domineering.  Don’t focus solely on physical attributes when choosing a wife.

· Taking the initiative while displaying submission – In this light, her knowledge and expertise will be valued.  God’s intended role of a wife is not to sit back and wait for her husband to lead.  The man is entrusted with accountability that results from leading so he should let his wife take initiative while partnering with her. 

· Building your confidence – Choose a woman who doesn’t need the attention of other men besides you.  Deliberate seductive dress and behavior out in public is a red flag.

· Kind and Compassionate – Women have a special kind of tenderness.  The culture doesn’t always help us see women the way God made them.  The culture is accepting of gender confusion and this affects young women in negative ways.  Girls should behave and look like girls.  Kindness and compassion will follow.

· Able to brave adversity with her sense of humor – Is she able to accept peculiarities in you or see the humor in situations?  Humor is helpful in tough times.

For the Single Person hoping to Marry

Advice for daily living until the right person comes along:

· Accept bible teachings - Don’t rebel against God’s word.  The culture says it’s OK to be ungodly and “do whatever feels good.”  See the importance and benefits of godly behavior as a single person intending to marry someday.

· Keep a positive attitude – Limit frustration and anger levels or get help learning how to do so.  If your goal is to marry, don’t lose hope over time.

· Have many friends – When you can find joy in serving the Lord, you will meet a lot of people of both genders who will become your friends.

· Value all relationships with friends – don’t assume friends will always just be friends.  Many marriages start as friendship relationships!  Serving the Lord will ensure you can find a like-minded spouse when your friends serve the Lord alongside you.

A Final Thought

The above points are considerations for current dating relationships and determining whether to move forward or to part ways.  If he or she doesn’t meet the above characteristics, would you prefer to cry now because you lost the person or cry later because you have the person?  Navigate carefully and consider that people generally don’t change after marriage.  What you see today is what you get in the future.

Follow the guidance above with a goal of pleasing God in singleness AND in marriage.  This brings Him glory and honor when we live according to His word.

In his book “Lasting Love: How to Avoid Marital Failure”, Pastor Alistair Begg helps us look at both singleness and marriage, and gives helpful advice on choosing a mate when we are considering marriage. For more information, visit truthforlife.org.